Friday, March 29, 2013

Two Bites, Mr Owl.

Did you ever know someone to do something with their body that was oddly intriguing and possibly dangerous?  The one that I'm thinking about happened, as they always seem to, in college.  I knew these blokes that were very large, as in tall, muscular, basketball player, large.  One day, they decided to hold a competition in the cafeteria.  Each one grabbed an apple, and the competition was to see how many bites it took to eat the whole thing.

 Kind of like the owl in the lollipop commercials...

So the proceeded to shove this enormous, juicy, ball of apple into their mouths.  They pushed so hard, that they had to hold onto the back of their head as they pushed on the apple.  Satisfied that their jaw could unhinge no more, and in defiance of all that is normal in the world, they then began to push up on their jaw.  They had it jammed so far in, that they had no muscle control to bite down naturally.  So they held the top of their head with one hand, and pushed up with their other hand.  The apple would break apart at some point, and they would then have to chew up what would not fit in their mouth.  Then they would shove the other, sometimes bigger depending on the unlucky split, half of the apple into their hole, and eat that.

They ate an apple in TWO bites.

It was an awesome display of how the body can handle the mind being overwhelmingly stupid.

In accordance of the body overcoming what the mind might think is a good idea, I attempted my own intriguing and slightly dangerous feat.

I used a nettie pot.

I know, not the intense drama that requires a deep drum roll, but in my tiny world, it was death defying.  I mean, really, I water boarded myself.  Through my nose.

It had the required oddity that begets embarrassment, so I locked myself in the bathroom.  The ante was up'ed because I was on vacation, at my in-laws home.  Any one of eighty seven relatives could have walked in on my nose irrigation attempt.  So with the door secure, I leaned over the tub.  The picture on the box shows a pretty lady leaning over a sink, but I wasn't sure how the torrent of water was going to spray, so the tub was my go-to.

And just like those blokes that said they could eat an apples in two bites, the nettie pot worked!

In fact, the entire vacation was perfect.  We all had fun, and no one vomited until hour nine on the eleven hour ride home.

That is success.

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