Sunday, March 3, 2013

Like I Needed a Hole in Your Head

There are a few things in life that make you realize that things have changed.

Having kids is the typical 'first' on these lists.  I don't think it should be on the list at all.  Having kids, getting a dog, inheriting your grandmother's parrot, these are all bunched into the category 'who suggested this?'  Having a kid, or getting a dog, usually is a great idea, and the person that suggested it needs to be kissed.  The parrot... not so much.  Those suckers live a long freaking time, and NEVER like you.

I worked in a pet store for one summer, and there lived a parrot devil named Rosie.  She wouldn't stand on your arm until she bit you, leaving a crescent shaped scar as her throne.  Well, every once in a while she would climb down from her perch and walk around on the floor, nipping at people's ankles.  Nothing says 'buy this bird' like seeing the pet store employee having to carry the devil on the end of a broom stick, wincing away from her evil stare.

If you inherit your grandmother's parrot, just know she didn't like you.  Your grandmother, not Rosie.  It goes without saying that Rosie never liked anyone.

My life changing moment happened tonight.  My little baby boy lost his first tooth.  I no longer have babies in the house.  I have kids.  Next comes high school, drugs, booze and motorcycles.  And high school is going to suck.

His jaw isn't that big.
This pic makes it look like I have a  hippo child.

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