Saturday, January 5, 2013

Winning vs. Whining

I'm trying to learn how to parent.  I just borrowed a book from a friend that will apparently teach me everything I am doing wrong and will miraculously bring peace and tranquility to my household.  It's lucky I didn't purchase the book myself, because if it doesn't work, I would have taken it back to the book store for a refund.  These self help books should come with some sort of guarantee.

The world, or at least MY world, needs to come to a hault while I read this manual.  Pause the fighting, pause the whining, and let me learn how to do it right.

This all assumes that I think I am doing something wrong.  Which I don't.  I saw a bumper sticker that said 'My people scream.'  and I thought, ...see, I have 'people.'

I'm only on chapter 2, but I have already discovered why 'the look' doesn't scare the crap out of my kids.  I can remember getting 'the look.'  I knew a portion of my life would never be the same if I continued on the path I was heading, all from a lazer beam, brain burning, skin melting, look.  At least that's what I remember, even though I was never beaten... I thought I didn't have what it takes to manipulate the look like my mom.

The reason 'the look' doesn't work, is because we no longer beat our kids.  The book tends to put this fact in a sugar coated way, by saying the societal shift has dictated....blah blah blah.  What they mean is, we don't get to have the kid go and cut their own switch from the willow tree.  And I get it.  I think I'd be in trouble if I lived in the mid-evil world of belt beatings and switches.  Sometimes my flight vs. fight response kicks in when the kids do something abysmal, and I am washed in a cold, fiery fury.  Then I yell and stomp my feet and sometimes even cry a bit.  If I lived when it was acceptable to beat them, I think sometimes I would have.  No one understands this unless they have their own children.  Kids can wear you down faster that a knife fight in a phone booth.

So I'm trying to better my tactics.  Education is always the answer, right?   I'll write about my success, if the book is as miraculous as it claims to be.  If it doesn't work, you'll know that too.  Not because I'll write about it, but because this tiny corner of Chatham County N.C. will be burned to the ground from the lazers that I will have installed in my eyes.

If I didn't get the 'look' from genes, I'll get it from science.

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