Friday, January 25, 2013

Bring Me the Virgins!

Apparently, and you have to say that word as you would hear a 5th grade teacher saying it to their class ... "aPPArently, you all have forgotten that desks are for keeping papers on, not as storage for your used chewing gum..."  you know, with the accent in the middle.

Well, apparently, I am a murderer.  My friend's husband, I'll call him Pulmonologist Percival, gave me grave news about my wood stove, which was very unfair, because I had no bad news for him.  I was informed that   it would be better for my health, and that of all the people in the immediate vicinity of, say, eight miles, to snort heroin.

He actually didn't say that it would be healthier, but the inference was there.

I guess that heating your home with a wood stove puts the same amount of toxins in the air as, oh, a factory in China.  And also that I'm giving my neighborhood cancer.  Merry Christmas! :)

As it usually happens when you get bad news from a doctor, I went home and googled it.  Turns out, they do teach these doctors a thing or two about stuff, because he was right.

Hopefully I'll get off with just manslaughter, because I wasn't cancering anyone knowingly.

Now that I knew the facts, I could be facing 2nd degree murder!  That is totally unacceptable.


So we did it.  We took a teeny loan and got one of these...

It's a gasification wood boiler.  It lives outside and will heat our whole house.  With a thermostat!  Our wood stove that we have now, let's call it the Asthma Chamber, it only heats the upper rooms in the house.  Our downstairs is a balmy 50* all winter.  And I am the thermostat for it.  If I'm cold, another log added...

I told my husband that we should build it a little room under the bridge that goes over the creek.  We could call it the Ogre, and pretend we are feeding it forest virgins in order to have safe passage to the swingset.
I'm not sure why he shot that idea down, but I'm assuming that it is just a bit to far from the house to be efficient.  Otherwise he'd love the idea.  I'm still going to call it the Ogre and feed it virgins.

Unfortunately, the Ogre won't be operational until next season.  He lives in Buffalo, and won't be coming to stay with us until spring.

So the Asthma Chamber will be working for a few more months.

Sorry about the cancer, neighbors.

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