Sunday, January 20, 2013

Avert Your Eyes Before it's too Late!

Did I say that I love global warming? Really?

Well, I never said Harvard was knocking down my door, now did I?

Reality just bit me.  Actually on my leg.  A freaking bug bit me.  IT'S THE MIDDLE OF JANUARY, PEOPLE!

So now I have a fear that might take over after a few more years of this warming trend.  It's that the flies, mosquitoes, fleas, ticks, chiggers, and any other horrible biting menace will take over the world.  Forget  about the machines, Terminator's got nothing on the misery that a practically invisible mosquito can do to the human race.  I think I just twitched.

Think about it... I knew a Navy diver who trained with the SEALS.  When he went through the 'are you a bad ass enough muscle man to be a diver' training, they unleashed this abomination on them.  Our government, thinking of nothing more hideous, put these guys in a steamy room with millions of mosquitoes.  If they swatted, they were done.  Out of the program.  Because of mosquitoes.

We are in for one heck of a rude awakening.  I like the movie GI Jane and all, but there's no way I could last more than a second in that training.

Have a party in your shoes
 and invite your pants down!
 They would make me cry just looking at the pants they were wearing. ...really, have you seen the movie?  Here, this is what has been burned into my mind, and it is what the SEALS are all about in my head...

I am not even going to consider roaches yet.  They are direct spawn of Satan  and should be eliminated.  Or at the very least, ignored.

But what are we supposed to do about the global warming?  I try not to drive too much, but life tends to go on without me if I stay in my hovel.  We recycle everything we can and compost the rest.  I try very consciously to do my part.  I honestly don't see it as a help, though.  Just look at other nations that spew pollution like it's going out of style.  I mean, when you have to beg out of the Olympics because you might win a bout of lung cancer if you actually run the marathon, you know something is very, very wrong.  China had to shut down their factories around Beijing in order for the smog to lift just enough so that the spectators wouldn't bump into buildings while walking to the event.  One Chinese man was actually quoted saying 'usually we use canes that the blind people use. We are teaching our youngsters how to read braille instead of looking for an address marker so they know they are at the proper door.'

So when that is happening in a developed nation, what do you think is happening in the not as developed nations?!  I'm not sure what impact eating a more vegetarian diet will have.

But I'll keep at it, give it the good fight.

The first thing on my agenda though, is to petition Hollywood to resist the urge to put muscle men in short shorts.  If we can protect our eyes, then maybe we can learn to see past those thighs and address other issues.  Like the weird smell in grandma's house.

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