Friday, August 2, 2013

Mauled By Satan

You know what's scary?  Going out onto your deck at two in the morning to see why the quail are bouncing around their pen like teenagers hopped up on speed at a trampoline gym.  

The going out part is the easy bit.  Now you have to remember it is two in the morning.  No moon, and armed with a pretty, yellow flashlight whose beam reaches almost to my toes.  But I'm tough, so without waking my husband, I slink outside in bare feet and skivvies to see what was the clatter.  And speaking of clatter, I will always spell Satan correctly because it is an anagram of Santa.

Then, as I shine the beam of the flashlight down the stairs, which illuminated them slightly more than if I were to have thrown down a week old glow stick, the bowels of hell let loose the most evil being you could imagine.  With spitting foam and blood dripping from its inch long fangs, I was stalked by this devil spawn predator.  Thanks to this blogger, I'm able to show you the approximate image of the beast.  Just picture pointy horns and drippy blood.

Kind of weird that this devil was on a blog that is very religious... but I bet it
would've scared the virginity out of Mary
Then, after I stopped crying and changed my shorts, I watched as the baby raccoon looked at me from the stairs, turned around and waddled across the lawn and up a tree.  We made peace with each other from across the divide.  

Now I want a baby raccoon.

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