Friday, May 31, 2013

Dead Mom Walking

I have one minute.

One minute of peace left before I must wake up my kids to get them to school.

It is the second to last Friday of the school year here, and I'm done.  I want to go to the pool instead of school.  I wonder, if I promise to do educational things with the kids, would they let me check them out for the entire last week?  I mean, I'm already checked out, so let's spread the joy, right?

I have a feeling that wouldn't fly.  See, my daughter has a teacher that actually teaches up until the last bloody day of school.  I really like that, but sometimes, having the teacher that shows movies for the last 5 days of school would be better.  Better because I feel like at that point, I might actually be able to do a better job than them.  Otherwise, I fail at teaching.  My kids are constantly told that the moon is made of cheese and that the teachers are wrong.  I enjoy bring them into my imaginary world, even though I drag them there kicking and screaming sometimes.

My time is up, but the girl had swimming last night, so I'll grant a reprieve.  I'm doing it for them, giving them an extra 10 minutes to sleep.  Because I'm such a nice mom.

I think it's a fun parlor trick, having them tell others about the Swiss properties of the cheese moon. ...and most people think that the kids are being funny, not actually getting mad and defensive when they are told by a friend of mine that 'really, the moon is just a boring block of rock.'  It's a small part of my happiness, telling them the wrong things on purpose, but happiness is important, no?  Right now (they're up now) they think I have fed them little square dog biscuits for breakfast.  ...really it's craklin oat bran, but they don't need to know that.

But now I have to make lunch.  She might be getting a baggie full of taco filling.  That's what happens the last week of school, lunches are an after thought and I steal extra time in the morning.

Bring on summer before I collapse into a total mindless blob.

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