Sunday, April 14, 2013

MAYDAY! It's on my PENIS!!!

Tick season is here.  And yes, the first casualty was my son's penis.  It's weird that it isn't very weird anymore.  I think our area has perverted ticks.  They like penises and underwear lines.

I wonder if there is tick porn...
If there is, they get the ticks from our area.  They are dirty little beasts.

Of all the bugs in the world to focus all of my hatred on, more than half of mine goes to ticks.  A friend got a Christmas tree one year that had ticks in it.  I guess the tree was harvested from prime tick mating territory, because when the tree was brought indoors and into the tropical warmth of their living room, the infestation began.  I don't know how many babies one tick can produce, but there must have been 8 million pregnant ticks.  And you know how our cycles seem to get in sinc when we ladies hang out together, well I guess the same is true for lady ticks.  (and after writing that, I actually feel a slight bond with them... you go sister!) They all popped at the same time.  All of a sudden, teeny dots of black started falling out of the tree and moving into the house.  I picture that like a slow moving lava that gradually eats up anything in its way.  But it was a slow moving wave of parasitic little demon ticks.

I would have preferred lava.

In fact, I would have burned down my house and told people it was a surprise lava flow.
I probably would have blamed it on an experiment that my husband was doing.  You know, like trying to create synthetic lava, and it worked, but in turn it burned down the house, so all of the evidence was destroyed, so there was no proof that his experiment worked...  poor guy.

The remainder of my loathing goes to roaches.  I don't think I need to give an explanation.  If you are a person that likes roaches, you need to check into a booby hatch ASAP.  I hope they never let you out.

...except for the hissing roaches.  They are still defined as an accident of nature, but they hiss, so you can admire them without the threat of being committed, but you still can't be my friend.
Unless it is the albino hissing cockroaches, and they are weird enough to be slightly cool.

This picture was taken in an insane asylum.
Bunch of freaks they were.

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