Friday, November 30, 2012

Shanking Santa

Christmas is coming.  Like a big freight train barreling down the tracks and I'm in that stalled Hyundai at the crossing.  It's coming whether I like it or not.  Now, the smart person would jump out of the car and hop off the tracks, it's not like a Hyundai can be worth that much, you think?  But the car in question is a 1989 hatchback, and it's priceless to me, so stop judging!  The newest thing on this little car that we lovingly call 'Gremlin' is a gas cap.  And that is an entirely different story, but a short one, so I'll tell it... I took my 7yo on her first overnight hike recently.  On the way home I stopped to get gas.  As I drove off after the fill-up, I heard a clattering on the roof of the car. Immediately thinking it was Santa and he was defiling the top of the Gremlin with his overgrown deer which my husband would happily hunt, I yelled (here we go with the yelling again) "Oh No you Don't! It's too early to start this you fat elf!" Then I looked in the rear view and saw the gas cap skittering off into the woods.  I looked for it for a while, couldn't find it, then drove home.

I actually knew it was the gas cap from the start, I just had to add something to the story.  Told you it was short.

So back to the tracks.  Like You said, 'just get out of the car...'  Well, that's tricky in a 1989 Hyundai.  Sometimes the door doesn't open.  You have to crank down the window to unlatch it from the outside, which is usually fine unless you are in the passenger seat.  The window on that side doesn't stay up on it's own, you have to keep pressure on the window crank for it to stay up, so we have a mini bungee cord wrapped around the handle and attached to part of the door panel.  Good luck getting out if Jason is running at the car, or a Christmas train.

Holy crap, I'm going to be squashed by the Polar Express! (I figure that is recent enough that I don't need to link a picture) Tom Hanks better watch out, I carry a big knife.  Well, not that big, but I do have a knife.  The most important part of the said knife is the bottle opener, but still, I have a knife ,Tom Hanks, so take your lady squashing train and magic it away to whence you came!

There, that should at least keep Christmas at bay until I'm ready.  I'm sharpening my spears as we speak.

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