Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Jockey Factory

I'm happy my kids are still young enough that I am confident I can win arguments.  The argument of the morning was whether a zero '0' is ever called an 'oh', or if 'ohs' are only letters and if you call a zero an 'oh' then you are really not talking about a number, you are talking about a letter.  I think I confused my 7yo enough that she just rolled her eyes and said the same thing to her brother.  Like it was her knowledge she was imparting.  Which it wasn't.  Yet.  Because I have a dreadful feeling that she is smart.  Soon I won't win the arguments.

Now I know that every parent thinks their kids are smart and cute, which decidedly is not true in many cases.  There are a lot of ugly babies out there.  Mine are not one of them, the ugly dumb ones, that is.

But I'm not under the illusion that their intelligence and looks will follow the same growth curve.  In fact, if they do follow my kids' growth charts, I'm looking at a future of short buses.  My husband and I are starting a jockey factory.  Not the clothes, the smallish people.  And not the smallish people that probably make the clothes, the short people that ride race horses, like I really had to explain that... I actually showed my kids the Kentucky Derby in the hopes that they will both want to move to the country and start racing horses.  It's in their blood.  The size that it, not the anorexia.  I wonder if the real jockeys grow into that.  No pun intended.  The anorexia is what I'm talking about now.  ...I know, try and keep up.  My husband is 5'3" on a particularly tall day.  He is about 130 lbs, all lean sexy muscle too.  He is short enough to be one of the tall jockeys (I wonder if they get made fun of because they are so monstrous) but about 30lbs over weight.  For my husband to loose 30 lbs would be like a frog reverting back into a tadpole form.  I bet he could loose 30 lbs if he chopped off his arms and legs.  But then he couldn't ride a horse, so that's a moot point.

Did you ever see the movie Boxing Helena?  It's about a bad guy that kidnaps a girl and keeps her in a box.  After he cuts off her arms and legs.  She couldn't ride a horse either.

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